Friday, February 03, 2006

My Prince Charming

I just finished watching the Romantic Movie on MBC 2 “Meeting Prince Charming”. It’s a good movie just like any other with a happy ending etc. but there was parts in the movie that really got into me so deeply that I really felt as if these are the best words that would describe my situation… the girl in the movie was talking to her best friend describing her situation as follows:

“ It seems as if from the age of 25 till the age of 29 all my friends decided to play the CHAIR Game and when the music stopped they all got the seats with a Fiancé or a husband! I wonder if I was in the bathroom when the music stopped. Them being happy or not is not the case but the case is they’ve got the chance to be there with someone else.”

“I know that I’ve always wanted some time for myself and that I do not mind being lonely but I definitely do not want to be lonely every night!”

“There isn’t something like Prince Charming nor there is a Knight on a white horse, its all in our mind to soothe the lonely feeling by convincing our self that we’re waiting for the best!|”

There were a lot of other things that the actress said that triggered lots of feelings and thoughts in me.

Talk about right timing and this movie!

I had an argument with BM today about a couple of things in our relation. It kind of ended up by me saying these golden words “…you know the difference between you & me is that you are so much down to earth while I live in my own fairytale!” he never said anything after that. But it is so true.

I’ve always thought that the person whom I would get married to or fall in love so deeply with would be a Prince Charming. Every girl and even guy since the age of 12 starts creating a vague picture of their prince/princess charming. In my case, he was always someone extra smart to compete with me at all times, someone very caring, someone well-built with broad shoulders to rest my head on at all time, someone really funny to keep my popular smile on my face until the last moment of my life, someone faithful, someone brought up the same way I was with dignity and high morals, someone who would see me as the best thing that ever happened to him in life, someone who would make me pray every morning to God and thank HIM for putting him in my life, someone who would run to me to share his success or failuire, someone who would want me to be there right next to him during his highs and lows, someone who sees me as his wife and mother of his kids, someone who wouldn’t let me shed a tear, someone who would know what I want to say before I even think of it, someone who would share with me a prayer mattress, someone who would be looking forward to see me at anytime of the day, some one who would miss me even when I am sitting right next to him, someone who would stay by me in sickness and in health, someone who would be holding me close enough to hear my last breath before I leave this world, someone who would still find me his princess when I am with no teeth grey hair and boobs hitting the ground, someone who would listen and not only hear, someone who would treat my parents as his and my siblings as his, someone who I would do anything to please, someone who would trigger my feelings every time I look at him, someone I would trust with my life and have the will to sacrifice my life for, someone I would love more than my self, someone who would never have enough of me and always wants more, someone who would do anything to be with me, and most of all someone who would know ME more than himself.

This list would go on and on forever but at least you got the gist out of it. Growing up from being twelve years old till now have really changed and edited that list millions of times for every time something was added or eliminated, but the basic things have stayed. But now that I am 27 and had enough share of experiences and weird commitments I should really admit that the list I have created since I was 12 yrs old is back and with no modifications. So I really think that I do live in my own fairytale and that I will never find my Prince charm if I keep abiding by this list for the search.

Maybe he is right and I should wake up and smell the filthy world we live in and stop being the good person I am. I am always expecting the best from people around me and I can’t even start counting the number of times I’ve been shocked or hurt from disappointment. Every time I say that I am changing I end up doing nothing but hurting myself and feeling guilty so I go back to the real me.

Anyway enough said for now to be continued later.

11 Comments:

Blogger Jane said...

ATC,
I mean in no way to discourage your fairytale but I wanted to share what my own experiences have taught me.
The perfect man does not exist. There is no prince charming. No one person can give us 100% of what we need--that is alot of pressure! We all have our flaws and our deficiencies. We all make mistakes and fail sometimes. What I decided after a few broken hearts was this: I made a list of things that I could not live without from my beloved, such as respect for me and a sense of humor. If he did not have these qualities it was a deal breaker for me. Then there were qualities I absolutely would not live with, such as compulsive gambling or excessive drinking. I looked for a person who had as many of the positive qualities I was wanting. What I don't have in my relationship with Jd I find in my friendships with others, my family, and with my kids. I can't expect Jd to fulfill every one of my needs just as there's no way I could fulfill every one of his. But we do the best with what we have and I'd say we are pretty happy with it.
Best wishes to you.

4:48 AM, February 03, 2006  
Blogger Champ - Love Hound said...

There's your Other half some where, You 'll meet him, or already met him but you 'll complete your self with him.

I also think same about me that one day I 'll meet my other half, So why worry. LOL!!!

God bless you.....

5:55 AM, February 03, 2006  
Blogger aroundtheclock24_7 said...

Jane,
Thankyou for sharing your experience, i really appreciate it. What you said is totally true. I have to admit that BM fulfills 95% of what i look in my prince charming and to tell you the truth, he is the highest ever scored (95%) among all the people i have met in life. But what always scare me are the rest 5% they are not at all as important as the rest but they are somehow essential for the relation to go and continue. I have to admit that during my relation with BM i have come to notice essential things that a girl need in her prince charm which i never thought of before. And that's why i chose him to be the person to steal my heart. But i have the problem of wanting our relation to be a fairytale of love and care yadayadayada but it seems i am asking for too much and the impossible from him being the busy manager he is and being the religious guy he is. So i donno sometimes he makes me feel like the RED DEVIL with the horns telling him to disobey God and i donno what. I just don't want to talk about it for i am totally lost of what i want and what is right and wrong. He's always right and that i know for a fact. So i am left with all these thoughts clashing in my head.

BC,
Wish you all the best in your search ;) I hope your other half would get all the best out of you ;) and most of all complete you ;) Thanx for your prayers they're always needed ;) Wish you the same ;)

6:16 PM, February 03, 2006  
Blogger LouLou said...

ATC,

I agree with Jane that it's too much pressure to ask one person to be all things at all times. This way you're setting yourself up for disappointment & dissatisfaction & you might end up making your partner feel you're not appreciative of whatever effort they're putting into the relationship, that you're never satisfied, that you're always complaining etc....It's not healthy.

It's fine to have lists when you're single & dreaming about an unknown Prince Charming but once you're involved with a real-life person you have to accept them as they are or you're not being fair to them. As long as you love BM & he loves you & he's willing to work with you on the relationship then you should not let any preconceived notions come between you. Love doesn't have any formulas. It's a constant adjustment & re-adjustment process. You both need to be working on it all the time. Love is either growing or its dying. That's why it has no perfection. Because if you achieve perfection then what?The story ends. If you're in a relationship where you feel you love & understand each other more as time goes by, that each incident, each misunderstanding brings you closer then you're on the right track.

The only couple I know who are close to what you describe are my parents. But they reached this level after what?40 years of marriage?Am sure it wasn't like that when they first met or when they first married. They have shared a whole life together. That's an incredible bond. Yes that initial spark of love & romance is what brought them together in the first place but what they have now is much more than that because they've been building & building on it all these years.

But me & K. Or you and BM?We're just starting out. We can't expect to start at the top can we?

9:00 AM, February 04, 2006  
Blogger aroundtheclock24_7 said...

Loulou, thanx a million for sharing your thoughts too ;) ya loulou the problem is "This way you're setting yourself up for disappointment & dissatisfaction & you might end up making your partner feel you're not appreciative of whatever effort they're putting into the relationship, that you're never satisfied, that you're always complaining etc....It's not healthy."

He's always saying that i nag a lot about some issues and that i am pushy at other issues. But put yourself in my shoes and think of you wanting K to call you(phone, sms, email, pigeon letters, aliens, telepathy etc.) during the day at LEAST once to ask about your doings (although you know his busy schedule)... you tell him the first time the second time the third day the next month the coming year and still you see no progress. All you see is him trying to make a slight effort at a snail's pace but nothing more. BM used and still laughs at me when i say "Law fee shee beysakkir 3a shee kein nouss mseeibeh" in proper words, if he usually does somethig to reciprocate the calling issue or other issues it would have been much easier. I tend to sometimes wonder if he is like this now without official commitment will he ever ask about me when i am in his house under one roof. You know that BM is a great person in my eyes but it is so so so so hard dealing with a person who has a problem showing his feelings especially when i am on the other end and i am known for being upfront in all my feelings and emotions. And that's why i am totally tired of the whole situation. I am tired of talking about things over and over with him like a broken record, i am tired of having to bring up that subject at least once a week, i am tired of fearing that the love we used to have once at a certain time, is somehow vanishing into thin air due to all the do's and don'ts that we're both arguing about at all time!

I am sure you want your k to improvise and to approach you in different ways every now and then and to keep that flame in your eyes whenever you meet and to most of all feel that he is there for you but what if you don't get or feel this from k? what would you do? You know you want him and you know you make a great couple for life and you know that you can resolve all of this but what you don't know is when or how!

What would you do ?

3:32 PM, February 04, 2006  
Blogger LouLou said...

ATC,

"But put yourself in my shoes and think of you wanting K to call you(phone, sms, email, pigeon letters, aliens, telepathy etc.) during the day at LEAST once to ask about your doings (although you know his busy schedule).."

7abibti wallah I hear you. I have the exact same problem. I call & sms him several times during the day.Even when I know he won't pick up or his cellphone is diverted I still call because I want him to find 4 missed calls & know that I thought of him 4 times during the day.

Now he is different. He can only focus on one thing at a time. When he's at work khalas he's at work. He won't be in touch unless there's something pressing.

Did it bother me?You bet. I want to get an sms in the middle of a meeting too. I want to feel he thinks of me as often as I think of him.

Did I nag about this sort of thing?Sure I did. And what happened?He tries to do it for a few days then stops. He can't keep it up because it's just not him. And I don't like to feel that he's doing something because he's being pressured. He says he prefers to be with me when he's not busy & he can enjoy my company & give me all his attention. I learnt that I have to let him love me the way he knows not the way I know. That's part of accepting him.


When I stopped the calls for a couple of days he missed me. For me that was enough. It showed that he did appreciate what I was doing, my way of expressing my love even if he doesn't return these expressions tit-for-tat. Am important to him. He feels lonely when am not around. Look how upset he was just because I had to leave him for 2 weeks.

And I had to return that & think of the ways he expresses his love & show him I appreciate them too. Remember when I posted about the shoe-closet?There's also the fact that am always the person he turns to for comfort when he's feeling down.I talk to my friends or I write but he only talks to me. That's something I have to appreciate. There are so many things. His gentleness & patience with me when am upset. His protectiveness.

I know that if I mention I need something or that something is bothering me he'll do - & does do -what he can to put me at ease. Unless what am asking for is really something that doesn't come naturally to him, that he feels uncomfortable doing for whatever reason. In that case it's my turn to understand & not make him feel everything he says or does is worthless & I'll never be happy until he learns to express himself exactly like me. If I insist on that I'll make both of us miserable.

Do you get my point about adjustment?You adjust. Sometimes he has to adjust - like the fact that he's a possessive guy & am a social butterfly or the fact that he's very protective & has very set ideas about how he should take care of his wife & I want to keep my financial independance.

Neither one of us is going to be able to change the other 100%. But we adjust. Not always easily but we do it. It's pretty hard work sometimes.

Am not suggesting our relationship is perfect or that we have it all worked out or that I don't worry. Am talking about a trend, a tendency. We have a tendency to accept, to understand, to make excuses for each other because above all we want to be together & we want to make each other happy.

I hope that helps. And I wish you all the best in finding love & happiness with the one you love ISA:)

5:30 PM, February 04, 2006  
Blogger aroundtheclock24_7 said...

Inshallah ya loulou, Allah yrayeih albik mitil ma rayyahteeni this morning ;) What you have jotted in your last comment is a clip of the daily things i have with BM (the love, the care, the occupied time for work only, the 3 days effort, adjusting etc.). And you are right as long as there are other things that show that he loves you and care for you, and that he expresses his love in different personal ways like the Shoe closet in your case then I am so glad to know that what is happening with us is normal and could happen in any relationship. Inshallah kheir w as always "mouttakileen 3ala Allah " ;) May God bless you ya Loulou.

8:23 AM, February 05, 2006  
Blogger Champ - Love Hound said...

Thankyou Dear! for your Sweet comments on my blog. You asked me a question, Well my Dear! there's a place where our Souls were Stayin' befor our Birth 'n' after Death w all 'll go back there, to God. Then God 'll decide which place is more suitable for us.

So Yes! I wanna go back to him coz to me After-Life is the Real Life, where we can get 100% of what we want. About this Post I say same, Just be Happy what God has gifted us 'n' we 'll get in After Life, what we missed here. Though everybody thinks different about different things.

Hope you 're doin' good. *Smiles*

God bless you....

4:08 AM, February 06, 2006  
Blogger Me said...

Well said Loul !!!
and ya ATC I loves this "mouttakileen 3ala Allah" .. this is how it should be ... we do elli 3aleina but never let this spirit leave you ...

Rabena m3aki ya gameel

5:20 PM, February 06, 2006  
Blogger aroundtheclock24_7 said...

Me,

Thanks a lot ;) Really appreciate your support ;) As for Loulou i always look forward to read her comments for as i said before in one of my posts we are so much alike in many ways especially emotionally for all Libras are somehow the same. And since i started reading her blog she was talking about her second meeting with K. So basically i have lived with her through her blog the progress of their relationship especially the conversations which were so similar to the ones Bm and i have. You cannot imagine how many times i say the words "ME TOO' when reading loulou's blog. So i always felt good reading her blog for loads and loads of times i found my solutions for a couple of things between me and BM on her blog and beleive it or not she made me understand him more from the way she defines her K.

BIG thankyou and a big hug to loulou and to everyone :) It was a real bless meeting you all. God always has his ways to show us things ;)

8:27 AM, February 07, 2006  
Blogger LouLou said...

ATC,

A big hug back at you.:)

Bas khalas don't make me talk about him anymore. It makes me cry to talk about him when he's so far away. Like we say in Morocco bilzaf itwa7ashtu.:(

12:34 AM, February 08, 2006  

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