Tuesday, February 28, 2006

My DNA Test

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Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Dear Sister,

I kept this for a while for i didn't know what to write but now i do. It's been a tradition since university days (1995) that every year on valentine my best friends and i get each other a simple thing just to make sure that whoever doesn't have a bf/gf won't feel left out with all the pressure from that occasion! For the past three years i've been exchanging gifts/flowers with my closest friend R. This year R and me included someone else in the gift exchange, N for she has been really a great loyal friend for both of us since a year now. These things are funny and really good to remember even through this year the three of us really weren't in the mood of anything because of the massive depression going around us but we still did it to lift our spirits and to tell each other that even though we can't do anything to help but we are here (and it applies to the three of us). Anyway... the shock for this year was that i got a basket of small gifts from my SISTER!

Yes my sister! I am not shocked from the fact that she got me something for we always get things we like for each other occasion or no occasion but i am shocked from the incident itself. First we never get each other anything on valentine and second was for what she told me when she gave these gifts to me. She had asked me a couple of days ago what was i and BM doing on valentine's day and i told her that he had to urgently go on a business trip to another country and that we will celebrate later when he's back. So what she did was go to her favourite shop and get me a small basket of 4 gifts and red flowers in it. The first gift was a Cow shaped salt and pepper set (i love cow ornaments), a phone holder in the shape of a dog carrying a big heart chair with the words "i love you" written on it, two kissing porcelain teddy bears, and the most lovely framed poem that read:

"Dear Sister,
We did crazy things, growing up... Loving and hating each other in sudden bursts of energy. We struggled, we learned, we overcame problems together. You have been a part of my laughter, my joys and my triumphs. You have always been pateint, loving and caring. I thank God for gifting me with such a sweet Sister like you."

I was in tears when reading these words. I was overwhelmed more when she said "i know that you would expect something from BM but knowing that he is not here i thought i would get you a small thing until he's back". These words just stabbed me in the heart! Only if she knows what i've been hiding from her. She didn't even know that her gifts meant the world to me at that moment and even if BM has got me something her thought of the whole thing was much more worth than anything i would have recieved on valentine's day. The thought that she would do something on BM's behalf for he is out of town. What you donno is that my sister and BM donot really get along a lot for he doesn't feel comfortable around her for she has a tough personality; while she has a kind of a hard feeling towards him for he is causing all the fights between me and my parents due to the difference of religion between me and BM. She always used to tell me, " I DONOT hate BM but i hate the situation we're all in, be it him, you, me, our parents etc.". I always thought that she told me this just like that but after saying these words about the gifts and reading the poem i knew that she meant it. I always thought that my sister and i are different. But after that day i discovered that we are so much alike execpt in attitude. She has her own way of not expressing her feelings and keeping them for herself while i am the opposite. But we are both so sociable and friendly and care about everyone in the world except ourselves (by the way we take that from mom and dad).

Even though she doesn't know about my blog but here i am wishing her all the best at all times and praying to God to protect her. Dear SIS may God Bless you x x x You really made my day ;)

Sunday, February 19, 2006

An Ode to Watches!

Yesterday i noticed a really weird and freaky coincidence. i have noticed that when a really really dear friend compliments something about me personally my watch stops! Two years ago a friend of mine was visiting and after saying how creative my house is and beautifully decorated and i donno what, one of the statues i have at home holding a pendulum clock stopped moving and the clock stopped at the same minute that person was saying the compliments. The clock does not work now in anyway or another, it really became just a statue! A year ago another close friend of mine was talking about my eyes and how i apply the makeup and how the pastel colors brighten my look and my curled eyelashes and i donno what, later that day i discover that my wrist watch stopped at the same time i was having the conversation with that friend. Yesterday... a friend of mine was telling me that the brown and pink colors that i am wearing are really well combined and i look very smart dressed and that was at 6:30 pm for i was packing my things to reach home before 7pm. I go home and notice nothing until 10pm when i looked at my watch and saw that the watch handles are stuck at 6:30! The second's hand is still moving but the minutes and hours hands are dead! So a flashback of all these incidents rush to my mind! I really donno what is it with me and watches defending me from evil eye if we could say although these are really really close friends who wouldn't envy me for anything in the world.

This reminds me of an incident a couple of months ago, I was picking BM from the airport after a long business trip. So no need to say that i was at my best in everything (makeup, hair, dress etc.) just the way to take his breath away ;) or what i call (DRESS TO KILL) hehehehehehe anyway i pick him up have dinner then drop him to his place to rest before he travels on the next day. Anyway i go back home to my parents house just to find that they have people for dinner. These people haven't seen me for six months or so and if you were reading my previous posts you would know that i have drastically lost weight that i look half the size i used to be. These 4 ladies start saying mashallah and praying and saying no way and this is unbeleivable and great and i donno what ... out of no where we hear a big BOOM and everyone in the house runs towards my parent's room for that's were the sound came from. Guess what... A mirror console of 2meters width by 1 meter height dropped on the floor face down !!! the wooden frame was shattered to pieces but the glass wasn't even scratched THANK GOD. You can imagine the face of the women and my mom without even thinking hugged me and started saying Allahu Akbar while my sister teared up and i could feel that she was saying all kinds of prayers. I was totally shocked and speechless. All i know is that dad saved the scene by saying "YALLA HASAL KHEIR" (it's ok nothing bad happenned) and we all went back and had dinner but none of these women ever spoke again about my loosing weight process throughout the whole evening! I think i was dressing that night not to mesmerize BM but to kill someone at home hehehehehehehe Thank GOD for everything!

Saturday, February 18, 2006

2nd Year together ;)

Yesterday Friday the 17th of February was the completion of two years since BM and I started our long trip towards the future with the hope of being together under one roof someday. When i think of it in years i find it really long time agoooo when i still thought that i could dream of something and then wake up and find it happening or on my pillow:) But when i look through the things we've been through from his side or even mine i really gasp and thank God for giving us both the strength and will to continue together and the bless of "FORGIVING". Yes beleive it or not "Foregiving". If i had stopped at every time i really got hurt from BM i would have ended that relation a couple of months after the relation started, when the real him started to show up and all the smoochness and cuddling and taking care of me started to vanish for more important things took over like responsibility and reality. And if he had stopped the relation everytime he thought logically of the situation and realised that we will reach nowhere with the religious differences in background we would have never started from the beginning. God have blessed us both with the foregiveness and the ability to love and care for each other each in his different and unique way. Although sometimes outer circumstances are much stronger and would force us to say or do things that we both disagree on for different reasons but still Forgiveness and Faith keep on putting us together back on the same path. So here i am telling you that i am still ready to continue the way it being filled with flowers (which i doubt) or it being scattered with thorns. For knowing that i will be with you at the end of the road makes all the pain worth every minute with you ;) God bless you and happy second year with me, i am astonished as much as you are that you made it that far with a crazy person like me hehehehehehehehe May God always bless you and us :)

yours truly,

PS: You once told me that "eedi b2eedik 3alatoul" (my hand is in yours at all times) and i think that this word had a big impact on me towards us more than anything ever, and here i am saying "inshallah 3atoul" (hopefully always) :)

ATC's Recipe of the Day® #3

--> Meatball Stew & Rice <--

aka "Kafta w Batata ma3 rizz"

This recipe's portions are for creating a meal for two people, add or subtract portions upon your needs ;)

>> Meatball Stew: Shape half a kilo of meat (kofta) into small ball-shaped portions. Then dice 4 medium-sized peeled potatoes into four or eight pieces so that the size of the potato is slightly bigger than the meatball (they will shrink when cooked). Deep fry the potatoes for a couple of minutes until they slightly soften then place aside in a dish with paper towels to absorb all the oil from them. Next deep fry the meat until they are slightly well done, then place them in a dish with paper towels to absorb all the oil from them too. In a big pan, shred 1 big onion then add some oil and keep on tossing the onions around the oil until they turn gold, that's when it's time to add 4 crushed pieces of garlic, half a spoon of pepper spice, a spoon of salt and toss all together. After 1 minute of tossing add 2 litres of water on top of the mixture in the pan and add 4 big spoons of tomato paste and stirr well until all ingredients are merged and you have a good tasting mixture (add peppers and salt etc. as you like at this stage). Also add the potatoes and meat to that mixture and bring to a boil. You will know that the stew is ready when the watery mixture starts to harden a bit to look like a stew (Don't wait till the stew turns into a paste ;).

>> Basmati Rice: Rinse 3/4 cup of basmati rice until clean, then marinate in water and salt. In a pan, place 2 cups of Vermacelli (sh3ayriyah), add one spoon of oil and fry until they turn to golden color (becareful they get fried quickly ;) then add my secret ingredient of the powder mixture in "MAGGI's Chicken Noodle Soup" sachets and fry with the rest for 5 seconds. Throw the water in which the rice is marinated in and add the rice to the pan of vermacilli and MAGGI mixture, then toss quickly and add two cups of water and leave to boil on the back eye of the oven. Every couple of minutes stirr the rice so the vermacilli would spread among the rice. You can add salt as you wish ;)

**Tips & Tricks**
If you like to decorate the food the way i do before presenting, for people eat with their eyes before their mouth, then:
* Place the meatball stew in a big thick bowl and serve hot.
* Spread the basmati rice in a big elongated dish and decorate with parsley and lemon slices.

Bon Appetite ;)

-- By the way, this was the first meal i cooked BM on the first time he visited me. I asked him to taste the stew to see if it needs additional salt. Willing to risk anything that night he tasted the firing hot stew from the firing hot spoon and burnt his tongue ;) i could see his eyes watering and smoke coming out of his ears and nose hehehehehee but being the Macho Man he said nothing and said that he was OK. It wasn't until a year or so later when he was telling someone about my cooking that he blamed me for damaging his tasting buds on his tongue hehehehehehe i think it was better that he lost the taste sense that night or i would have heard about the bad cooking experience all my life hehehehehe just kidding he loved it ! but as i said on that first night he would have loved ANYTHING hehehehehehe MEN!

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

ATC's Recipe of the Day® #2

This one is for chocoholics and serves also for Valentine ;)

--> Chocolate Dipped Strawberries <--

You will need to purchase a pack of fresh strawberries and a pack of semi-sweet chocolate chips (Hershey's are my favourite).

>>Line baking sheet with waxed paper. Rinse strawberries and pat dry with paper towels; set aside. Put chocolate chips in microwave-safe bowl and microwave at 50 percent (medium power) 2 1/2 to 4 minutes until chips look soft and shiny. Stir well. Chocolate should be completely smooth. If chips are not completely melted, microwave a few seconds longer. Holding each strawberry by the stem end, swirl into chocolate to cover 2/3 of the berry leaving the tops exposed; lay on cookie sheet. When all strawberries are coated, refrigerate until chocolate is set.

**Tips & Tricks**
If you like to decorate the food the way i do before presenting, for people eat with their eyes before their mouth, then:
* After making sure that the chocolate is totally stiff you can serve the strawberries by placing them in circular alignments (one in middle surrounded by four surrounded by 8 etc.). When you place the last one of the circles, align some WASHED & CLEANED white rose petals around the last outside circle (on the borders of the round plate) and VOILA ;)

Bon Appetite ;)

Monday, February 13, 2006

ATC's Recipe of the Day® #1

I will start these posts with my favourite and most quick recipes.

--> Chicken Escalope with Herbed Mashed Potato, Salad, & Shirley Temple <--

>> Chicken Escalope: You can buy this ready from any supermarket or butcher. You can even replace it with beef steaks or fish steaks or any kind of steaks that you like. Just add some oil to the skillet and fry the escalopes until they turn gold or brown (I like them well done:).

>> Herbed mashes potato: After peeling some potatoes place them in a pan and boil them until they become ready to be mashed (20 to 30 minutes depends on the amount). While the potato is boiling prepare the sauce by squeezing one lemon and adding its juice to 3 mashed garlic pieces (NOT CLOVES, pieces), then on top of the lemony mixture sprinkle salt as much as needed, then sprinkle one small spoon of dried crushed mint or Oregano or both ;) Place the boiled potato in a big bowl and start smashing them until they look like a paste. Then add the sauce of lemon, garlic, salt, mint/oregano. Mix well until all ingredients are well spead among potato paste.

>>Salad: Dice a couple of tomatoes, shred a couple of white onions then add the same sauce of lemon, garlic, salt, mint/oregano and then add olive oil to the mixture.

>>Shirley Temple: If you wish to serve drinks with this meal, my favourite would be, Grenadine with 7-Up or what most places call "Shirley Temple". Just fill the serving glass with 1/4 Grenadine Syrup and 3/4 7Up or Sprite. Stirr well and serve chill.

**Tips & Tricks**
If you like to decorate the food the way i do before presenting, for people eat with their eyes before their mouth, then:
* Place the Escalopes on a bed of shredded lettuce and garnish with a couple of lemon slices.
* Spread the mashed potatoes in a large plate and using a fork cross-hatch lines so it will look like a prison and then add small parsley pieces in between intersections of the lines created by the fork marks (Don't over garnish ;).
*For the salad you can dice the green portion of one Spring onion and sprinkle it on the salad to add life to the colors.
* For the drink, dip the tip of the glass with crushed ice before making the inside mixture then after mixing the drink serve immediatly ;)

Bon Appetite ;)

New Idea ;)

Now that i feel less like talking about things happening with me for i donno what reason i came up with a bright idea ;) usually when i am frustrated i like to cook ;) Even if i end up not eating i just love to cook for it makes me feel really good and makes me forget anything bothering me at the time. So instead of cooking for no one to eat i will be sharing my cooking recipes with you guys ;) I will create an " ATC Recipe of the Day® " post. Especially that we have a lot of parents, bachelors & newly wed bloggers i thought that would be a helpful tip for everyone to make me and them happy ;)

So here i am officially announcing the beginning of "ATC Recipe of the Day®".
taraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ;)

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Shallow Hal ;)

What a feeling!!!

Me and R decided to head for lunch at La Brioche (A bakery/sweet shop and cafe) next to our office to meet a friend and her visiting sister. La Brioche is a couple of minutes walk from were we work so, R and i took a walk from our offices and as usual kept on giggling and chitchatting all the way until we reached there. It didn't hit me that we're going to La Brioche until i reached to open the main door for R to enter. It hit me that i hated going to La Brioche after being offended the last time i visited that cafe. I usually LOVE their sweets but after the last incident a year ago i tended to avoid going to it or to be more precise to go have something to eat IN the cafe rather than taking it for "Take Away".

Just to put you in the picture, a year and 5 months ago i used to weigh 146 Kgs (YES a really obese person), and i used to SOMETIMES only worry about a couple of outings such as the mall (to avoid people's looks and rude comments), theatres or coffe shops (to avoid the embaressment of not finding a chair to fit me to sit on or break it while sitting on these old plastic white chairs etc.). la Brioche was one of the places which made these fears exist. La Brioche use these old style round metal french-like chairs with metal pipe-like armchairs and raised cushions. The first and last time i used these chairs was 3 years ago and i remember the embaressing situation as if it is happenning now while writing this. We were having a department meeting outside the office in La Brioche and i arrived last for i was at the printers. Anyway everyone was seated and i walked in took a chair and tried to sit but it was the most uncomfortable thing ever. Because of the metal armchairs it was like jamming me inside a box with bits of me popping out through the wholes on both sides. I couldn't move i couldn't turn it was as if i am glued to the chair and i was always having the fear of breaking the chair for it was so soft and weak. I spent most of the time putting my weight on my legs rather than my butt. Anyway being the strong person in such situations i dealt with it with laughter and jokes and made fun of the small and tiny chairs and then continued the one hour meeting and then took the decision of never going there again ;)

Now back to yesterday, we went in and my eyes directly spotted the tiny chairs instead of the big variation of mouth watering CHOCOLATE sweets ;) I took one of the chairs and sat in it and OH MY GOD what a FEELING!!! What you do not know too is that i am an 80 Kgs person now ;) Yes i managed to loose 66Kgs in the past year and 5 months ;) So Physically i am half the size of me before and even less ;) I managed to go down in shape more than in weight, therefore leading for a space for someone's leg to fit next to me heheheheheh or even a small kid on that LA BRIOCHE tiny chairs ;)

It felt really really really good. It even made me realise that i haven't thought of these fears since i started loosing the weight. I always said that i will post about the weight loosing process of what happenned and how and when but i never ever thought that i would talk about it from a recent experience ;) i will still write a post soon about the whole loosing weight experience ;)

This post now made me remember all the times i used to ask myself why don't places like chair manifacturers or restaurants or movies or or or etc. take obese people into consideration while planning for a place with different target audience? Fear of breaking chairs and not finding enough space and more has been all related to my Obesity earlier which somehow vanished now. Besides my friends and Bm never ever made me feel uncomfortable in these situations. I always remember that at the beginning Bm never noticed my uncomfortable issue in any of the outings but after being together for a while i think he noticed it and started sitting on the chair and giving me the couch space. He's a fit guy and would fit anywhere in the world (especially in my heart heheheh) as for now i do not worry at all about these issues i have new things to worry about like keeping my weight and reaching my target of 70kgs ;) 10 more kilos to go wish me luck ;)

Anyway just felt really really good and wanted to share it with you ;)

Friday, February 03, 2006

My Prince Charming

I just finished watching the Romantic Movie on MBC 2 “Meeting Prince Charming”. It’s a good movie just like any other with a happy ending etc. but there was parts in the movie that really got into me so deeply that I really felt as if these are the best words that would describe my situation… the girl in the movie was talking to her best friend describing her situation as follows:

“ It seems as if from the age of 25 till the age of 29 all my friends decided to play the CHAIR Game and when the music stopped they all got the seats with a Fiancé or a husband! I wonder if I was in the bathroom when the music stopped. Them being happy or not is not the case but the case is they’ve got the chance to be there with someone else.”

“I know that I’ve always wanted some time for myself and that I do not mind being lonely but I definitely do not want to be lonely every night!”

“There isn’t something like Prince Charming nor there is a Knight on a white horse, its all in our mind to soothe the lonely feeling by convincing our self that we’re waiting for the best!|”

There were a lot of other things that the actress said that triggered lots of feelings and thoughts in me.

Talk about right timing and this movie!

I had an argument with BM today about a couple of things in our relation. It kind of ended up by me saying these golden words “…you know the difference between you & me is that you are so much down to earth while I live in my own fairytale!” he never said anything after that. But it is so true.

I’ve always thought that the person whom I would get married to or fall in love so deeply with would be a Prince Charming. Every girl and even guy since the age of 12 starts creating a vague picture of their prince/princess charming. In my case, he was always someone extra smart to compete with me at all times, someone very caring, someone well-built with broad shoulders to rest my head on at all time, someone really funny to keep my popular smile on my face until the last moment of my life, someone faithful, someone brought up the same way I was with dignity and high morals, someone who would see me as the best thing that ever happened to him in life, someone who would make me pray every morning to God and thank HIM for putting him in my life, someone who would run to me to share his success or failuire, someone who would want me to be there right next to him during his highs and lows, someone who sees me as his wife and mother of his kids, someone who wouldn’t let me shed a tear, someone who would know what I want to say before I even think of it, someone who would share with me a prayer mattress, someone who would be looking forward to see me at anytime of the day, some one who would miss me even when I am sitting right next to him, someone who would stay by me in sickness and in health, someone who would be holding me close enough to hear my last breath before I leave this world, someone who would still find me his princess when I am with no teeth grey hair and boobs hitting the ground, someone who would listen and not only hear, someone who would treat my parents as his and my siblings as his, someone who I would do anything to please, someone who would trigger my feelings every time I look at him, someone I would trust with my life and have the will to sacrifice my life for, someone I would love more than my self, someone who would never have enough of me and always wants more, someone who would do anything to be with me, and most of all someone who would know ME more than himself.

This list would go on and on forever but at least you got the gist out of it. Growing up from being twelve years old till now have really changed and edited that list millions of times for every time something was added or eliminated, but the basic things have stayed. But now that I am 27 and had enough share of experiences and weird commitments I should really admit that the list I have created since I was 12 yrs old is back and with no modifications. So I really think that I do live in my own fairytale and that I will never find my Prince charm if I keep abiding by this list for the search.

Maybe he is right and I should wake up and smell the filthy world we live in and stop being the good person I am. I am always expecting the best from people around me and I can’t even start counting the number of times I’ve been shocked or hurt from disappointment. Every time I say that I am changing I end up doing nothing but hurting myself and feeling guilty so I go back to the real me.

Anyway enough said for now to be continued later.