Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Living alone vs. living with family ;)

Lately i've been really down for as usual millions of things have been going on. I usually like to keep a strong personality all the time (as you know by now), so one of the things i hate to be is SICK. That's one of the worst things that ever happenned to me. For the past three to four months i've been going from one thing to another. I've been through Migraines to colds to flus to coughs to "lafheit hawa" to nausea to vomiting to fever to malnutrition (which caused slight deficiency of hemoglobin and excessive loss of iron) and finally Bronchitis Pneumonia (BP). The BP was caused due to my disregard to my health and being over booked with everything else as usual and not taking care of the small colds and flus along the way. So after a long conversation with the doctor and lots of Bahdaleih Bilzouk he convinced me to take rest for a week and rethink my health situation. Because i am already taking tablets for the iron and blood and my situation is sensitive for the infection is really bad i have to visit my doctor's clinic twice a day in the morning and at night for the coming 4 days to take 2 IV injections. Yeah my life is a parade! My supervisor is very happy seeing me everyday going for the injection and coming back (bass haram he never says anything ;). I usually tend to become very sensitive during my sickness and people around me know that for i really change my way with them by becoming very very very quite (which is not me) and i tend to avoid seeing anyone (privacy crave). As most of you know that i live alone for my family and my love are in a different emirate. And that is the worse of it. For when i get sick i realise the difference of living in a house where {mom checks on me every minute, where my dad covers me up and tries to make sure i am better, where my youngest sister keeps on changing my next to the bed glass of water, where my brother checks if my fever has increased or is gone, and where my younger sister tries to (tharkish fiyee) annoy me everynow and then and try to get me out of bed by her jokes and sa2alah}; to living on my own with no one to call in case of emergency and no one to cry to and no one to check on you every now and then. I haven't even told my family what state i am in for i didn't want to worry them. I just told my younger sister in case may God forbid something goes wrong during these IV injections.

These current things happenning along with others have made me rethink lots of decisions and the most important one is that i think it is time for me now to return to the same emirate as my parents, but the question is will i be able to live again with them after 5 years of total independence? I still donno the answer but i know that it is something set on my table of life now. My doctor will give me tonight a week's sick leave for next week, which i will spend at my parent's house so that might be an answer to my question. All i am hoping for now is that i didn't take this decision out of weakness and need of care. I promised you earlier that i will bring up the "Living alone" subject in one of my posts and here it is. I'll be glad to know what you think.

12 Comments:

Blogger Charismatic Soul said...

atc,

i went through the same thing a few years ago, and i have to admit, it IS VERY difficult.

After you're used to doing everything on your own and making your own decisions, suddenly all this is taken away, and you have to get back to being just another member who will have to listen, obey and oblige.

If you decide to move back, be ready to face reality, and from my personal experience, it will take time, but you will get the hang of it soon, and by that time you'll wish you never left home.

good luck!

12:22 AM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger Rain said...

First of all, alf salama 3leeky atc.
Second, concerning ur issue, I can't offer advice ,as I didn't have that experience b4, and actually I want to very much...

12:58 AM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger Jane said...

About a year and a half ago my son and I had to live with my parents again for six weeks. They were not so restrictive but I had absolutely no privacy. My mother is quite talkative and I am not so it was a big adjustment. They also kept very different hours than I was accustomed to and ate very fatty foods. They also overruled my authority with my son who was delighted to be spoiled so. While I was grateful for their assistance, I was quite happy the day I was able to leave. If you do go back, prepare yourself for a very different life. However if your health is at stake perhaps it would be a good solution for the short-term. Good luck and good health to you.

4:40 AM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger Khookh said...

babe salamtik, first of all,....shoo 7asseh, Nafsik shaysheh??

2nd of all, i won't comment until the end of this week, come back and let me know how staying with ur parents feels like.

k

10:13 AM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger Wonderer said...

Dear atc,
Maybe some ppl think it is stupid to start my comment by the word DEAR. However, I always like to write what I feel, and you are becoming a dear friend.

Anyway, I am so worried about you. You HAVE to GO BACK to live with your family TILL you get better ...

As for you question concerning living with your parents, I will answer you out of experience.

I used to be very dependant at my parents home. Then I got married and left the whole continent. So I became extremely independent ... what a shift ...!!!!

Anyhow, when I go back to spend my annual one-month vacation with my parents, I feel happy for the first week. But then, I start missing my indecency and my freedom. No DOs and DON'T DOs. To talk when I feel like talking not because "I have to talk as a kind of socializing". I even hate their over protection as if I am still the young kid that used to live with them. Don't drive your car to this district ... your father will drive you!!! Don't go to the doctor alone, your mum will accompany you!!! Not to mention the fights concerning interfering in the way of rising up my son!!!

If you asking me my advice... MOVE back to the same emirate, to be near them and feel their loving. However, live in a separate apartment that is near their home. keda temsiki el 3asaya men el nos.

Good luck we salamtik alf salama.

BTW, are you Lebanese or Emirate? … just for info safe:))

I guess this is a post not a comment ... ma3lish I got carried away:)))

12:18 PM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger aroundtheclock24_7 said...

P.S. From now on i will be refering to my love as BM for i don't really like writing the words my love everytime, i feel as if it is a teenager's thing or a crush or something.


chari, rain, jane, and khook

I go through these feelings everyweek when i visit them. I usually go down on Wednesday night see BM and then go to my parents' house. I spend thursday with them and then all friday morning until BM finishes his Friday prayers and then i go out with him for lunch and then we go together to meet friends have sheeshas and play cards till night and that's when i go back home. But everytime i leave my parent's house i feel as if i have to make a u-turn and return but that is life. Same thing happens whenever i leave BM for i feel as if something is being ripped of from me. So i really need to be living in the same emirate as them for i have been on the road through these 5 years more than Ibn Battouta. It is a bless that i love long drives, or else i would have been dead long time ago from all the driving up and down throughout the week.

I lived in Lebanon for two years for my university studies and it was the first time i stay away from home and that's what started my Independence. I remember the first time i had to go to the bank to open an account for my university fees i was into tears for not knowing what to do. Now i have different accounts at different banks and i know all the ins and outs of it. We tend to depend on our parents, unintentionally, when living with them. For example now i have to take care of all bills, take care of pumps, AC leakings, car trouble, misplaced clothes and items, laundry, ironing etc. When we're living with our parents we expect mom and dad to take care of everything, even though i've been responsible since i was 8 years old to take care of my sister and the house while my parents were away and later on to take care of more brothers and sisters and then take care of the cleanliness of the house especially "dish washing" (which i love now for i became an expert hehehehehe i will post a funny story about that ) and then cooking and and and and ... But notice that all of these were in-house responsibilities but when living on your own it is in-house and external responsibilites and much more.

I don't personally have trouble living with them at all for i really enjoy the time we spend together and to be really fair they are not strict at all (Hello i am living alone in the same country!) but what i cannot tolerate is the lack of privacy part. For even now whenever i am there they would want to know who was it on the phone or where am i going and i have to take permission to go out everytime and hear all the nagging about it afterwards, and go through the broken record of "what are you doing in your life now and that it is time to get married and i donno what " and then the "why do you want to sleep now we barely saw you etc. etc. etc. and most of all what kills me and i really feel sorry for her is that mom waits for me to return from my outing for her to go to bed (Yes she can't sleep until we're all home although i live 2 hours away throughout the week but i think that rule applies on weekends only- don't ask it's a mother thing that's what she always tells me). Trust me i have heard the words "you will never know what all of this is about until you become a mother and i wish that would be soon for i would love to see what your kids will be like and how much will you say God bless my MOM" more than i have said my name in my life.

SO in conclusion i myself love to live on my own for privacy, being independent, and all additional benefits but this is costing me to loose the closiness and love and care of my family and to miss lots of happennings and events throughout the week.

I know i have written a lot i'm sorry but i really feel comfortable sharing my burdens with you ;)

12:56 PM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger aroundtheclock24_7 said...

Dear Wonderer,

Thank you for your sincere post it made me feel that i have done something special to deserve these kind words ;) Sorry i haven't included you in my previous reply but i didn't notice your post for it seems we were both online at the same time. Anyway, just wanted to add that these things will continue to happen for life for i see how my grandma treats mom. As for my health no worries at all i am fine elhamdella it is just a passing phase as i said earlier. By the way i really appreciate all your and the other readers posts for you guys are giving time to reply to my post. So i really Thank you all for that. And to answer your question I am Lebanese.

chari,
You're right "it will take time".

rain,
Welcome to my blog and hope now you have a clear idea of how life alone would be. You can't get everything.

jane,
I have a personal question for you if you don't mind please feel free to answer or not... Do you see yourself acting with your son the same way your mom did or does? I really need your experience in that ;)

Khookh,
Hasseih bi shee bitayyer il 3aqel!

1:13 PM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger Jane said...

Around the clock,
No, I am a very different type of mother than my mother in many ways. I do not yell or hit my son because I remember how awful that made me feel as a child. And even though my son is only four I try to respect his privacy by knocking before I enter his room. I also apologize to him if we have a disagreement and I am wrong. But I do share some of her better parenting qualities, such as being very nuturing when he is ill. Let's just say that I learned a lot about the kind of mother I did not want to be from my own mother.

12:03 AM, October 27, 2005  
Blogger Me said...

2alf salama 3aleiki ya ATC !!!

I know what you mean by being "independant" when you live alone/away from your parents...I've been living "semi alone" for the past few months as my bro lives with me.. (but being an awfully busy guy... I end up taking care of lots of things)...it is a different feeling...
But....even though our parents are different... and maybe sometimes they do interfere in things we wish they wouldn't... they're still our parents... and believe me ... there will come a day when we wish we'd spent more time with them...
Rabena me3aki in whatever you do ya gameel and take care of yourself

12:49 AM, October 27, 2005  
Blogger aroundtheclock24_7 said...

Jane,
Thank you for replying, you really helped me see the picture more clearly. Most of my friends had a similar answer as yours but non of them mentioned the positive thing they learned from her ;) May God bless you and your son and all those you love and care for ;)

Me,
Millions of thanx for the sincere wishes and inshallah i will be better soon. "there will come a day when we wish we'd spent more time with them..." this day has already come to me 4 years ago, a year after living alone. I always have that fear of getting married before having the chance to go and live under my parent's roof again although in reality i might not want to! So again it is just me and my overworrying thoughts.

2:06 AM, October 27, 2005  
Blogger LouLou said...

ATC,

Alf Salama 3laiki yarab. I hope you are feeling much better now.

Go live with your parents. Yes you'll miss the independance but remember you won't have the chance to be with your parents forever. One day you will get married & then you will have to leave home (like me). And it's not easy.

Enjoy being protected & cared for & spoilt while you can. No one will do it for you like your parents. And it won't last forever.

4:44 AM, October 27, 2005  
Blogger aroundtheclock24_7 said...

Thank you ya loulou for your careness. I will experience this week and let you know what happens ;)

12:15 PM, October 28, 2005  

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